The Great Lost

Who would have foreseen what tomorrow will bring. In just a few seconds, the days of yesterday are no longer the same and it will never never be the same for the coming next days. If yesterday I bid condolences to a couple of my friends for the lost of their parent/s, who would have thought that it would be this soon for their turn to bid me back for my lost too...

From Him we belong and to Him we'll return...

On 9 th February 2015, by 10:11 a.m., my family was shocked by the lost of our leader. Until this day I still unable to re-tell what did happen on that wet and windy morning. The wet weather made us to feel even gloomy and sad. We mourned for the whole week but on the very first day he gone, all of us couldn't sleep and eat well. We just couldn't including me.

He departed without bidding us a proper farewell. It felt so awkward and empty when he gone. We no longer heard his rough-masculine voice...

On the day he passed away, I was given the opportunity to witness his last breathe. When he was gone, I told myself to be strong. I kept myself altogether. I didn't cry but when they called us to see his face for the last time, I approached his unmoving body been fully covered in white cloth. He smelled so good. I touched his forehead. I murmured to him to ask for his apology but the words just didn't come out so well. Only my heart moved my body. 

I slowly kissed his forehead. It was so cold. As cold as ice. Her skin had turned so pale. I told myself, 

" He's gone FRANNY. He's gone. He will never open his eyes, looking at you and smile back at you. He's gone for real... "

And at that time, I cried so hard, so, so hard........................................



May he will be placed among the pious...

(Since that day, I changed... If we (dear friends) meet me again in future, you'll realize that there's some part of me that changed... I'm sure you will)

At last, I got my own driving licence. There were a lot of things that I want to share with you while learning and practising my driving skills in a local driving school. For your information, I just officially passed the test recently. Yeay!!! So, special for my entry this time, I'll share with you everything that was going on since the very first day I entered the school.

Before getting yourself a driving licence, the first thing you should do is attending a driving course and after that sitting for a theoretical test. I read the text book I was given during the course I attended on the night just before the test being held. I passed the test with 48/50. Well, the questions were all straight forward and so I thought they were all easy peasy to answer. Hehehe and you know what, I was the very first candidate who got up from my seat and handed in my answers to the officer. Hihihi.

After one week waiting my school to call me up for the real driving lessons, I was asked to go to the practical area on my own. I had to find my own teacher to teach me and so I was on my own on that time. On the very first morning I went to the driving lessons area, I text the female teacher, informing that I would like to be her student but she didn't replied me. So, I text the other male teacher and he replied soon after the text was delivered.

" Hi. I would like to learn driving under you. Is it okay? -Franny-" I wrote.
" Hi Franny. Of course you can. May I know what is the colour of your shirt you are wearing?"
" I'm in grey shirt with long sleeve."

I saw a guy looking at me while sitting in a Viva car with big letter 'L' on it. He was with a girl who was driving the car slowly. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Later, he text me,

" Okay. But you have to wait your turn which will be after the lady in red T-shirt."

So, I was waiting for my turn. I felt a little nervous even if I already knew how to drive. I learned driving using my father's van last time and then I drove my sister's car, Alza as well as Kancil which we are currently using at home. I even taught a friend of mine to drive while we were studying in the university. LOL. I told my teacher all that except the part I taught my friend to drive. I was afraid that my teacher would thought me of being over proud of myself.

I wondered how does it feel to be with a real teacher teaching me how to drive when I learned it own my own before.

When my teacher waved at me to enter the car, I got up nervously and opened the door by the driver seat. I adjusted my seat and pulled my seat belt. He asked me in our mother tongue,

" Have you drove before?"
" Yes. A little."

A little... Ya, I lied. I even drove on a highway somewhere in Kota Samarahan once.

" Okay. Go."

I calmly inserted gear one. I released slowly the clutch pedal but the car wouldn't move. I pressed a little the acceleration pedal but the car wouldn't go off fast. Something was wrong. When I pressed once again the acceleration pedal, he suddenly told me

" Don't drive too fast."

Then, I slowed down. Along the way, I thought there was something wrong with the pedals. As if the car wasn't fully controlled by me. After a few metre driving, only then I realized that there were two extra pedals on my teacher's seat which he used to control the car while teaching us. I found it was hilarious and smiled on my own. I drove within the speed limit he allowed me to. Whenever I reached over 40 km/hour, he told me to slow down and I followed. Well, actually I frequently reached over the speed limit and he kept on asking me to slow down. After several kilo metres driving on road, he told me

" You're good."
" Ya. Actually, I drove before. Last time, I learned to drive using my father's van and now I always drive our blue Kancil around the village."
" I see. That means you drive illegally around the village."
" Ya. Hahaha."
" Van is too huge and high."
" Ya, it is."

Then, I said again,

" Can I sit for the driving test by the end of this month?"
" Of course you can. But, I have to check at your L licence. If the date too close, you can't sit for the test yet."
" Ow, okay."

Hahaha, I didn't know if I was over-confident of myself that I requested him to qualify me to sit for the driving test which was going to be held just for the coming two weeks starting from that day. He didn't instructed me much while driving as he knew that I could drive it except pressing his break pedal whenever I reached over 40 km/hr. On the very first day I learned driving, he took me to the test area and taught me all the steps that I need to follow and do there. All of sudden, a tonne of information rushed into my mind and I had to receive them all at once. I was confused at first and the most challenging part was climbing up the hill and stopped at its highest peak. Then, I had to pull up the hand brake and it was a matter of skills in controlling both the clutch and acceleration pedals in order to climb to the other side or going down backward. If I go down, I'd considered fail. The rest were all easy peasy to me. Hehehe...

The next two times I learned at the area, I could already remembered all the steps and he started letting me to drive and learn by myself. I could fully controlled the steering that I only used my right hand to turn it either clockwise or anti-clockwise. Hahaha. After several times repeating the same step over and over, I got used to all of them and did the climbing, parking, driving in the S-shaped lane, zig-zag lane, pusingan 3 penjuru  very well, like a professional. Hahaha... Whenever it was my turn to learn and drive, I would only take a few minutes learning while other students drove at least half an hour each. It was just unfair to me. So, one day, I didn't turn up for the lessons for a whole week and only resumed it when the date was nearer to my driving test date.

There was one afternoon I got bored of driving, repeating the same steps over and over again. There were other cars from another school who practising at the same area. While I was driving out from the zig-zag lane, heading to the last step which was the pusingan 3 penjuru, there was a car in front of me with a female student in it who was waiting for her turn to entered the area as well. I thought I could just pass and overtake her car, so I drove passing her. At that time my teacher didn't care about me, confident that I could learn on my own. He was busy chatting with another female teacher of similar school. As I confidently overtook the girl's car, all of sudden all teachers who were present there got up and screamed at me (including motorcycle teacher). I stopped the car and was a little shocked with their sudden screams. The female teacher shouted at me that I wasn't allowed to do that. If I do that during the real driving test I will surely fail. I just grinned. Then, my teacher got up and walked towards my car. I started to feel nervous. ' Oh my God, is he going to get mad at me?' I asked myself. As he approached me, he repeated what the female teacher told me but in a slower voice,

" You can't do that kay? It'd be against the law and if you were in the real test, you will be failed. Remember that okay?"
" Okay."
" Since you did something which was against the law, I now want to give you punishment. The punishment is that... okay, that is all for today. You may go now. Do come again tomorrow."

When I heard his punishment I giggled and I was so happy because that is what I really wished to hear. My leg were getting tired pressing the clutch and acceleration pedals alternately and finally he allowed me to go back. I went out of the car and went to my brother who was accompanying me going to the driving school each time I had practice.

The thing that I hate the most each time I going to the school, I had to wait for my turn an hour and over but when it was my turn, I was allowed to do at most three rounds and then that was it. I'd be asked to come again the next day. The other student took about an hour per person. So unfair until my brother told me once that it'd be better if I not coming at all. I know there was nothing much left for my teacher to teach me as I already got enough basics at driving.

Well, that is one of the most memorable memories I had while doing my driving lessons. Driving under the heat in the afternoon truly was a challenge to me but going through it for about 1 month and over, it all worth it when I passed the driving test. I knew I could do it and I was so thankful to my teacher even if I did skip my lessons once or twice. Whenever I told him that didn't want to come the next day, he was so happy as he wouldn't have to waste his time teaching a gangster and troublesome student like me. LOL.

On the day I was about to sit for my driving test, all of sudden it was raining heavily. The test started late and I was nervous waiting for my turn. But, I didn't have to wait too long for my name to be called. My name was among on top. That was how they arranged our turns. They'd let candidates that they were confident that they'd pass to sit for the test earlier.

" Can you do it?"

The female teacher asked me after telling me that it was my turn next. I didn't say anything. I just grinned.

" Remember this one thing. When you climb up the hill, never ever let the car going down backward. Otherwise, you'll fail. Press the brake pedal quickly okay?" She whispered again at me.

" Okay, okay." I replied.

As I approached the car, I grinned at my teacher and said a prayer while stepping in. I pressed the clutch pedal, inserted gear one and when I was about to press the acceleration pedal to climb up the hill, the female teacher approached me by the window.

" Your seat belt!!!"
" Ah! Yes!"

I forgot to pull my seat belt. LOL. When I felt that I was ready, I accelerate fast climbing the hill and stopped within the yellow box. I pulled up my hand brake and made myself calm. I didn't care about anything or anyone, only me. I calmly inserted gear one, released the clutch pedal a little and slowly released the foot brake fully. Then, slowly, pressing the acceleration pedal and when the metre pointing at three, I released the clutch pedal a little more and when the back of the car rose a little, I maintained the position of the clutch pedal and pressed the acceleration pedal even deeper and when I was confident that the car wouldn't go down, I released the hand brake and just a blink of the eye, I was already at the other side of the hill, going down slowly. For me, for us, passing the hill meant we were already passed the test. There were a lot steps we need to master while climbing up the hill and all the steps I told just now were all the steps I learned by myself when I practised on my own at a hill in my village.

Knowing that there not much that I had to worry about, or nervous about, I did the parking and all quickly. As usual, I reached at the last step while the other student ahead me hadn't finish their turn. As I parked the car, my teacher approached me to take back the car. I went out and said

" Okay!" and he replied me back,
" Okay!".

While waiting with the other students for our on road test, he approached us and asked a girl who was standing near me.

" Do you want to buy Viva later?"

I didn't hear clearly what the girl replied him as I was so bored of waiting my turn.

" If you want to buy a car, you need to feel by yourself how good the car is first."

Then, all of sudden he turned at me and said,

" Like Franny. She drove van, she drove Kancil as well as Viva. "

I was a little shocked and couldn't believe that he told that to the girls. I guessed the girls wouldn't buy what he said but when he continued his talk again, I guessed the girls believed what he said as they witnessed me while doing my driving practices and as well as how I did my test earlier.

" Didn't you all see how she drove? Just now? She drove so fast and took just several minutes to finish all the steps... Look at my student. She's a gangster. My student is a gangster. You see it?... Isn't it Franny? Isn't it Franny???"

I couldn't believe he said that in front of the girls! I couldn't say anything but just grinned at him. The girls were all looking at me.

Errr. I like driving. I actually enjoyed doing the practices and turning the steering with just one hand, speeding whenever I was on a straight lane (like in Fast and Furious movie). Hehehe. When I speeded for my last practice just the day before the test being held, with my friend accompanying and watching me, I saw both of my teachers smiling at me looking at how I drove the car on that day. Their smiling faces told me that they were confident that I would pass the test next day (actually, they didn't want to see my face and taught me again if I fail). Yep, and I did.

One day, I want to buy a manual car as it would make me to be alert while driving. Whenever I entered the car and drove, I'd remember all the memories I had while going to the driving school.

The officer who examined my driving while doing my on-road test looked a little handsome. I remembered my teacher told us to win his heart so that he'd pass us. As I started driving, he told me that my driving was quite good.

" Are you still a student?"
" Nope. I'm a fresh graduate."
" From?"
" UNIMAS."
" Owh! That's mean you used to drive in Kuching."
" LOL. Nope. I couldn't do that. I don't have a driving licence yet. (Which was a total lie)."
" Haha. I mean going for sightseeing in Kuching with friends."
" Owh. Of course we did."
" Hey, just take the usual route you were usually taught okay?"
" Okay. How about we take the shortest route."
" Hey! That sounds great. Had you eaten? I mean for lunch?"
" Nope. I'm hungry now. Waiting too long for my turn. How about you?"
" I only took my breakfast and I'm hungry too."
" Okay, don't worry. We'll take the shortest route and we'll make this end soon kay?"
" Great! That is the thing I like about you. You are an understanding one."

I grinned. So, I took him the shortest route my teacher taught me once and along the way, he asked about lots of thing about me. About me study, my course, job and so on. We were talking more than when I talked with my own teacher while we were driving on road. Deep in my heart, I really wish this to end so soon as I was so hungry. The short route we took wasn't enough for us to talk much more. Our conversation ended soon and as I parked the car and said Thank You to him, I quickly ran to my brother. I didn't even bother to ask him if I passed the test or not. I just wanted to go back so soon and had my lunch. I didn't see my teacher as he was away picking up his kid from school either. I thought I wanted to give my thanks to him as well.

So, I asked back my driving school if I passed the test or not and she said yes. Then, I personally sent a simple thank you text to both of my teachers.

" I passed the test. Thank you teacher Kiu. Haha. "
" I passed the test. Thank you teacher Lan. Haha"

My teacher, teacher Lan replied me.

" It is my job to teach you till you get passed."

I smiled reading his reply. Wondered if he knew if it was me who text him.

So, if you are planning of taking driving licence, I think it's better for you to learn and practice the driving skills on your own. You can't wait for your driving teacher to teach you from A to Z as unlike theoretical information and knowledge, driving is all about skills. If you learn theory, you read but if you learn skill, you practice. Besides skills, you also have to have guts to do it as well as confidence. So, driving is all about these three things that you have to master: skill, courage and confidence.

That is all. Thank you. :)

*It's 16th May. So, I would like to deliver my thanks to my driving teachers. Thank you and Happy Teachers' Day! (I know you're not reading this but who cares!... Hahaha. )

A New Side of Me

I found a pair of huge spectacles in the box on my table. It is my brothers. I took it out and tried to put it on. I looked in the mirror and I saw a new person, a new side of me. I look like a nerd with the huge spectacles but as I looked deeper, I somehow look like an intelligent person, charismatic and professional. I love that new look of me but how am I suppose to be that type of a person with a pair of huge spectacles on me? It'll surely shock my friends who know me best, my personalities, my fashions and my true self. While playing with the spectacles and making lots of face expressions in front of the mirror, I told myself,

" Well, this is not bad... I look way cuter than without it." Then, I giggled by myself.

Well, you know what, if I were a person with short or long sightedness, I would be proud of myself with this spectacles on me. I thought, a person with a pair of spectacles has two types of personality. The personality in the world that lies beyond the spectacles than the other world that lies within that two thick frames. They are unique aren't they? Funny how an object could change someone's appearance and confuse others who are looking of their true personality. For someone who really want to have a change in her life like me, I really wanted to wear one because I want to be born as a new person. Let people get confused of who I really am as long as I am still the same person be it in both worlds beyond or within the frames. 

My brother wears spectacles. Not as a plaything like I did. It is a need. He has quite severe long-sightedness and it really makes him feel a little bothered by it. He has a hard life with his disability to see the world clearly like normal people do. In short, he dislikes wearing spectacles. As a result, he wears contact lens instead. I was wondering, and asked myself,

" Doesn't he look handsome with that pair of spectacles? Why did he remove it?"

Perhaps he was thinking, there's no use if he's wearing or not wearing the spectacles as he will be the same person anyway. Assuming by putting it on will change his personality is actually unlogical assumption. Wearing spectacles all the time makes his world looks abnormal, as if his sight has been limited to a size that only fits into the two frames of the spectacles. Well, he might be right but I guess he has another reason for refusing to wear it. He wants to be a normal person so that he'll be able to get along with normal people whom most of them do not need a pair of spectacles to live. Well, life is mainly about how good you get yourself well into the society as well.

But still, I wish to wear it one day, not as an object that I need, perhaps as an object to inspire me instead so that I'll feel confident, charismatic and professional when putting it on. 

An RM10 Story...

Today, I went to celebrate a birthday party of a friend of mine at a restaurant named Kentucky Fried Chicken at town. In the afternoon earlier, my friends and I went to buy a cake for our birthday girl. We went out without telling her as it was our plan to make a surprise for her. My friend picked me up from my home and I was sneaking out without letting anyone knows that I was going out with my friends, otherwise, there would be so much to explain and I am bad with explaining things. 

I waited patiently for her to arrive and then, I went downstairs. It wasn't a sneaking out action anymore as everyone was in the living room. They saw me but I didn't look at them, pretending that I was so busy to get ready to go out. I thought that they would ask me where I was going, at least somebody would, but unexpectedly, no one did. So, it was a great chance to grab! My mom saw me too and she told me not to go back home late. I said okay.

My friend and I rode a motorcycle, and went to our other friend's place. She was shocked to see us in front of her house gate. It wasn't to happen as planned as we couldn't text messages via our cell phones, to arrange our planning. There was a network problem occurred that day. So, we discussed outside her house. We were facing difficulties to decide whether to buy the cake tomorrow or the next day as our birthday girl hadn't confirm us yet whether she could go out tomorrow or not besides, the network was not at it's best that day and hence we couldn't contact her further. So then, what are we going to do now? My friend asked. Let's go buy a birthday present for her. But, FRANNY, you bought it already right? I did, I bought three birthday presents for each of my three best friends when I went to peninsular during study week. So, I nodded.

Lucky me that I was ready with the present already as that afternoon, I only brought an RM10 note. It wasn't a brought by purpose actually, I had only RM10 in my pocket as if I said that I only brought an RM10 note, it meant that I didn't bring the rest cash of my money I had and that was actually wrong. I didn't have the rest of the money. I only had RM10, 10 solid, and we were going to buy a cake on that day and if I hadn't purchase the present yet, I wouldn't have any money to buy one for her. 

As as as we arrived at a gift shop, we bumped into my sister, holding my nephew in her car. I went to say hi to her a while and asked for a little pocket money. Unlucky me, as she said that she didn't have small notes at that time. I said It's okay with a smile and waved a bye bye wave to my nephew.

We entered the gift shop. It wasn't easy, to pick which was the best gift to be given to her. That was how my friend felt. I knew, as I faced that too when I was making a choice to pick the best birthday presents for them at the time I was in peninsular. Most of my colleges were envy of me as I went to have a trip to peninsular assuming the study week holiday as if it was a school holiday. My sister insisted me to go, so I joined her seemed she offered to sponsor me.

While my friends wandered around the shop, looking for the gifts, I went to clothes section. That was the only section that I loved to go if I went out to shop. I like to purchase cute dresses. When I was in college, I purchased many new dresses and I was facing difficulties during the time to pack up my things to go back to my hometown for a semester break. My luggage was heavier than it was before, I mean, during the time I registered on the early semester.

I found one cute shirt of course and when I looked at its price tag, I was shocked a little as it was written there, it cost only RM10. It was cheap actually as most of the dresses I bought during last semester cost at least RM20 plus each. I loved that shirt! I wished to have it, the blue one! But, once again, I didn't have enough money. If I spent my only RM10 which I had in my teddy bear purse on that shirt, what was I going to use to purchase the cake later? So, I stepped away from that shirt, saying One day, I will have you! You'll see! You'll be mine! I went to my friend and it seemed that she had picked a gift for our birthday friend. She bought her a cute pinkish shirt and I loved that shirt too.

While we were waiting for a worker to wrap the gift, we gathered and continued our discussion on our planning to celebrate my friend's birthday. Suddenly, my friend suggested to have the party at that night, but it depended on whether our birthday friend could make it or not. It seemed that the next day everyone were busy and could not make it either. So, it was hard to celebrate it the next day. My other friend went downstairs to make a call to ask our birthday girl, using the public phone as it was the only way to reach her since the network was still down. 

Our birthday girl agreed. She said that she would pick us up using her car by 7.30pm and the clock at that time was pass 6.45pm. We didn't have much time. We rushed to the cake house and I didn't have the time to consider whether I had enough money to spend on that day or not. I suggested them to go to a cake house which I had been to a few days before, on the day my sister and I went to buy a cake to celebrate my other sister's birthday. The cake house had many types of cake on display. So, we picked a chocolate cake and it cost RM36. It was quiet expensive as the cake of the same size which my sister and I purchased only cost RM24. Wondered if the cake we picked tasted even tastier.  

Since there were three of us, we shared our money and divided into three. So, each of us had to contribute RM12 each. I pulled out my RM10 and I said honestly to my friend I only have this and pointed the money to them. They said it was okay and my friend helped me to pay extra. Wondered if that okay really meant okay. But, it wasn't my friend who helped me to pay extra money whom I doubted. It was me I doubted. Seriously, I wasn't okay with that...it was humiliating that I did not afford to pull out another RM2 from my purse to make a full contribution/payment. I knew, I was so sure that my friend said okay because she thought that I had no small amount of money, for an RM2 to give. She must be  thinking that I had only huge amount of money in my purse at that moment. She might think that I only had few pieces of RM50 or even RM100 in my purse. In fact, it was actually an RM10. Only a piece of red paper, valued RM10. Not RM50 or even worse RM100. I didn't explain any further, telling her that her assumption about my money was actually wrong. I didn't as I am bad in explaining things.

As we stepped out from the cake house, the time was 7.00pm. We had to go back home by that moment, to get us ready as our birthday friend was going to pick us up so soon. My friend and I who lived in the same village said bye to my friend who lived near town. I rode the motorcycle with her back and on our way back, I suddenly thought of something. I was at that moment had no money left in my purse and the party which was supposed to be held the next day was shifted to that night. What was I going to use to purchase my meal? I had no cash left...

As I arrived home, I rushed into my room, grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom. I took a bath. While pouring the water through my body, I was thinking of a way to have another RM10 to spend later. I needed not much. Only RM10. The only one whom I could think of was my mother. I made up my mind that I wanted to ask her for an RM10. So, I quickly finish myself with my bath and went to wear clean clothes. Before asking that RM10 money from my mother, I had to wrap my gift to be given my friend first as I hadn't wrap it yet.

I was done with wrapping in a few minutes and as I was about to put a nice ribbon on its outside, I heard a car engine stopped in front of my house. My birthday friend had arrived to pick me up. I couldn't budget my time precisely as she used to text me first before she was on her way to pick us up. This time she didn't. She just couldn't as the network wasn't okay yet. She couldn't text me like she always did and she couldn't make a phone call via her cell phone either. I just knew it as my cell phone didn't ring at all and I didn't receive any messages from her either but I was sure that she did try to reach me. Oh, how I was getting mad at the network that evening.

I threw away the ribbon as I didn't have time to put it on my gift. I quickly put it into my bag and ran downstairs. I opened the window pan to double check that it was her waiting me outside. It was really her, even if I didn't see her face clearly through the dark, I recognized enough with her white car. A bit old already. I closed the window pan, turned to my mother who was sitting at the couch, keeping an eye to my nephew. It was the climax of the story! It was time! She knew that my friend was waiting for me outside and I was in rush. I approached her and opened my mouth. Can I have an RM10? I said it! Even if I said it out with a cute voice and a smiling face, in just a few words but I was suddenly felt that it wasn't as simple as I thought it would be. She got up slowly after she asked me back whether I had spent the balance of money she gave me a few days ago. I remembered about that RM10 that I spent to buy the cake in the evening. I answered her with a guilty voice, I spent it all already.

She went into her room. As she was getting up, lifting her old body, I was given the time to look at her face. The air seemed to be suddenly stunted. The time was seemed to be slower down by somebody. As seemed I was asked to see and looked through her face at that time, after I asked her for an RM10. She looked a little sad, a little disappointed. She showed me a hard expression which could touch anyone's heart when they saw it. I could see through her that she was actually didn't have much money to give. But, she was still getting up, going into her room to get RM10 for me. She went out with a worn out RM10 red paper. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do that. I said Thank you! with still, trying my best to draw her a smiling face before stepping out of the house.  

I entered my friend's car and went to KFC to celebrate her birthday after picking the rests up. I ordered a set of snack plate as it only cost RM8.90. I pulled out my worn out RM10. I pushed it slowly down the table and said to myself, Mom, one day, I will give you back this money but followed by many and many more money! You'll see! I enjoyed the celebration and I loved the cake as it really tested so good.

I went back home, and before calling it as a day, I sat on my bed before closing my eyes for bed. I cried, thinking of each single thing that I faced that day. I loved my friends, all three of them, but they were differ from me. Sometimes, it was annoying to hear them saying that they refused to ask their family to send them extra pocket money when I heard them talking on the phone when we were in college. Their family wished to give them money, but they refused to accept them. But for my case, my brother was always be the one who make a phone call to home, asking for money and my family refused to send some as they had no money to give. I seldom did that as I assumed that if my brother had asked the money all, there would be no money left for me. Well, I thought it was okay as he needed it more than me...   

-The End-

Franny is in love with Spongebob Squarepants

Salah satu kartun English yang aku suka tengok ialah Spongebob Squarepants! Hahahaha...Kalau korang nak tau kartun ni berbeza daripada kartun-kartun yang lain. Jalan ceritanya, watak dan perwatakannya, settingnya, dan lain-lain semuanya mempunyai keunikan tersendiri yang membezakannya daripada kartun-kartun lain. Untuk pengetahuan, tema utama kartun ini ialah penceritaan kehidupan seharian watak utama iaitu Spongebob. Kalau nak diamati, watak Spongebob adalah satu watak yang paling unik. Walaupun dia diperbuat daripada span kuning, yang totally bukan hidupan laut, dia masih dapat hidup dan menyesuaikan diri di tempat yang bukan asal usulnya. Kalau la kita ditempatkan di tempat yang totally bukan asal-usul kita, dapatkah kita lakukan benda yang sama? Hermm, kena fikir dua kali nih...

Next, apa yang paling aku suka kat watak si span kuning yang comel ni ialah kesetiaan dia terhadap seorang sahabat, si tapak sulaiman merah jambu, Patrick. Walaupun kita nampak Patrick sangat bodoh, tapi kita tak pernah pun tengok scene Spongebob mengatakan sahabatnya itu bodoh walaupun dah tertunjuk terang dan nyata akan kebodohan Patrick tu? Spongebob sanggup melepaskan apa sahaja peluang untuk kebaikan dirinya semata-mata kerana peluang itu akan memisahkan dia dengan sahabatnya Patrick. Jika kita masukkan situasi ni dalam kehidupan realiti, mampukah kita berbuat seperti yang Spongebob buat untuk Patrick? Aku tak bermaksud la yang kita kena lepaskan cita-cita hanya kerana tak nak berpisah dengan kawan sekolah kita dulu. Hey! Come on la! Think out of box! Fikir yang tersirat. Sanggup ke kita berkorban apa sahaja untuk sahabat kita dan menerima dia seadanya? seperti Spongebob menerima Patrick yang tersangat-sangat jahil itu, dan sendainya ya, sejauh manakah kesanggupan kita itu, selama manakah ia akan bertahan? Renung-renungkanlah...

Segala yang ada kat Spongebob adalah semua yang boleh mengajar sesiapa sahaja yang menonton kartun ni, bagi yang tahu berfikir...perasan tak, yang Spongebob kerja kat kedai burger Crusty Crab tanpa risau pasal duit gaji? Bosnya, si ketam, Mr. Crab tu sangat kedekut. Super kedekut. Kadang-kadang dia bagi gaji kat Spongebob, kadang-kadang tak. Tapi Spongebob tak kisah pun gaji dia besar ke kecik ke, dia tetap bekerja dengan ikhlas. Maksudnya di sini, Spongebob melakukan kerjanya dengan ikhlas tanpa mengharapkan apa-apa balasan. Ermm...jom contohi Spongebob? Hehehe...

Hobi Spongebob ialah menangkap obor-obor. Bila aku tengok scene dia tangkap obor-obor, teringat lak zaman kanak-kanak dulu. Cuba lihat kat diri kita sekarang ni. Dah dewasa, dah kerja, sekolah tinggi, tapi adakah kita hargai setiap saat kita bernafas di muka bumi ini? Adakah kita hargai sekecil-kecil benda yang ada di sekeliling kita? 

Itu baru sikit je yang aku petikkan untuk renungan korang yang ada lam watak Spongebob. Sebenarnya ada banyak lagi, belum lagi watak-watak yang lain. Kadang-kadang aku hairan la, kenapa orang cakap bila seseorang yang dah besar panjang macam aku ni tengok kartun Spongebob, diorang seakan-akan mengatakan aku ni Tak matang langsung. Memalukan! Dah besar panjang pun masih gak tengok kartun...aku selamba je. Biarlah ape diorang nak cakap sebab sebenarnya bukan diorang tak matang la, diorang matang, tapi it's just diorang tak fikir luar daripada kotak pemikiran. Bak kata Spongebob, imaginasi...hahaha...

So, jangan la sempitkan pemikiran korang. Kartun Spongebob Squarepants bukan kartun yang saja-saja nak suruh korang gelak-gelak macam kanak-kanak yang tak perasan pun yang watak utama tu, Spongebob adalah satu span kuning yang hidup di tempat yang tak sepatutnya dia hidup. So, lepas ni, on TV, tengok kartun Spongebob Squarepants. Tapi, sebelum show tu start, pastikan korang pun dah open kan mind korang luas-luas gak. Dan bila korang dah open, percayalah, korang akan nampak apa yang aku nampak. Bukan kartun Spongebob yang korang tengah tonton tu. Korang sebenarnya tengah menonton kehidupan yang korang sendiri yang sepatutnya korang jalani...^^

Nur Malam

Renungi alam ini rasa kesangsian

Kukini berada di alam yang sunyi

Hanya bertemankan bintang dan bulan

Di malam kelam...

Hembusan angin bayu pasti kan berlalu

Seiring dosa lalu yang membelenguku

Moga semalam jadi pedoman

Dan pengajaran...

Langkah kaki kananku

Menyusuri rumah suci

Bermula episod baru dalam ketulusan hati

Bila hati menghadap Tuhan,

Baru kusedar ada kelemahan

Terasa kerdil berbanding yang Esa

Terharu, terfikir betapa agungnya Tuhan...

Tuhanku,

Aku tidak layak masuk syurgaMu

Namun tak berupaya,

Menghadapi api nerakaMu

Terima taubatku dan ampunkan dosa-dosaku...

Inginku ubah cara hidupku yang lalu,

Menjadi hamba yang diredhai selalu

Tiada palsu wahai Tuhanku, Allah yang satu...

Kuakhiri sujud dengan doa,

Semoga dikabulkan hajat,

Dijauhkan duka lara, kuharap terimalah taubat...

RahmatMu kuharapkan ya Allah...

Aku Seorang Chipmunk

Hahaha...let's continue...apa yang special ada kat aku? Ada lagi dan aku percaya setiap dari kita semua ada satu atau lebih...hargailah dan kenalilah diri sendiri. Yela, kita kenalah kenal siapa diri kita sebelum nak orang kenal kita siapa kan?...


Berbalik pada perkenalan kita, nama aku FRANNY, dan aku salah seorang gadis yang kerdil di muka bumi Tuhan ni, dan berbadan macam budak sekolah rendah kat universiti aku. Aku ada beberapa traits yang special yang membezakan aku daripada orang lain. Kalau penyanyi-penyanyi, tak kisah la local atau luar, apa yang membezakan mereka daripada kita ialah mereka mempunyai suara yang sedap, suara yang merdu dan suara kita, ala biasa-biasa je, tak komersial...hahahaha...Oh ya, bercakap pasal suara, korang pernah bukak siaran radio waktu segmen dedication atau sampaikan salam kat orang?..Kan, bila seseorang pendengar tu call radio tu untuk sampaikan salam atau ucapan kat kawan atau family dia, seluruh Malaysia akan dengar suara dia waktu tu on air. Korang pernah terdengar orang yang call tu suara budak kecik, tapi bila DJ tanya umur, umur dah tua dah, dah berkeluarga dah pun. Selalunya, biasa terjadi kat perempuan la...yela, tak logik la kalau suara itu suara lelaki sebab mengikut sains, suara lelaki memang akan bertukar bila dah dewasa. Aku pun pernah jugak terdengar sekali...hahaha...aku pun gelak, comelnya suara perempuan tu, automatically kita akan cakap macam tu...hahaha...aku suka gelakkan suara orang lain, tapi langsung tak ingat yang aku pun mempunyai jenis suara yang sama...hahahaha...ya, aku punya suara yang pelik...umur aku 20 tapi suara aku bunyi seolah-olah umur aku baru 8 tahun, 7 tahun...kalau kat kelas dulu, cikgu-cikgu dan kawan-kawan aku memang dah kenal aku and masuk universiti ni, aku semakin popular sebab orang lain senang nak ingat aku dengan suara aku. Kawan aku selalu cakap kat aku, kau popular la, percayalah...


Dulu, waktu sekolah menengah, cikgu aku bagi aku gelaran chipmunk, ala binatang squirrel tu...bila cikgu masuk kelas, dia selalu suruh aku baca teks dengan suara yang nyaring, lepas tu dia gelak-gelak...dia cakap suara aku macam chipmunk. Kawan-kawan aku pun cakap macam tu. Ada jugak banyak kisah lucu pasal suara chipmunk aku ni. Ada beberapa yang aku sangat ingat sampai hari ni la...Dulu, waktu sekolah dalam tingkatan 6 atas, aku masuklah satu pertandingan menulis esei dalam BI ni...itu pun cikgu MUET aku yang recommend aku masuk, kalau dia tak recommend, memang aku malas nak masuk, biasalah, budak malas la kan? hahaha...apa aku buat? aku mintak tolong kakak aku, seorang cikgu MUET jugak tulis esei aku separuh. Separuh lagi, idea aku. Lepas hantar karya, result pun keluar. Alhamdulillah, aku menang tempat pertama. Walaupun bukan 100% hasil karya aku, aku tetap berbangga jugak...hahahaha...oh ya, waktu result tu keluar, pihak yang menguruskan hadiah pertandingan tu call cell phone aku la. Aku pun, dengan penuh nervous dan berdebar-debarnya angkat la panggilan dia. Aku pun cakap hello...hello la seperti biasa. Dia pun cakap, hello, err, boleh saya bercakap dengan orang yang bernama FRANNY? Aku pun jawab la ow FRANNY bercakap. Dengan tak semena-mena dia doubt kat aku, dia tanya aku balik adik, jangan la main-main. Boleh pass telefon ni kat FRANNY tak? aku pun terdiam, aku pun cakap lagi, memang betul la saya, FRANNY yang cakap ni! Dia masih tak percaya kat aku, betul ke ni? Tak cayalah! mana kakak adik mana? saya nak cakap dengan kakak...ya, sabar je la...kenervousan aku tadi dah hilang dah, result belum tau lagi, boleh nak bertengkar dengar pengurus tu dulu...aku pun cakap lagi, memang saya la yang bercakap ni... Aku pun penat dah, dia pun penat...lalu dia pun cakap tak apa lah dik. Just nak bagitau yang FRANNY memenangi pertandingan menulis esei. Tolong bagitau dia ek. Dia masih gak tak percaya. Aku pun cakap ok je la. Aku pun bagi dia semua details yang dia nak. Bila aku ceritakan kat kakak aku, kakak aku gelakkan aku...Para pemenang pertandingan tu dikehendaki datang ke satu tempat untuk menerima hadiah. Aku pun datang dan orang yang ambil aku dari terminal bas tu adalah orang yang call aku sebelum tu...sedihnya, dia masih tak percaya dengan aku. Sepanjang perjalanan ke hotel, dia asyik bagitau aku ngan kakak aku yang dia langsung tak percaya. Dia cakap suara macam budak kecik! berulang-ulang. Hurmmm...kakak aku gelak je. Aku...sabar je la...


Ni, satu kisah lagi...lepas SPM, aku terpilih untuk masuk PLKN. Hurmmm, bila dapat tahu yang aku terpilih, aku nangis...wuuu...tak best pergi jauh-jauh ni. Orang cakap PLKN ni macam tentera. Bila aku scan physical aku ni, layak ke, badan kecik macam ni masuk tentera? Aduuh...aku waktu tu stress, dan stress. Lepas tu family aku pun pujuk la aku untuk masuk. Mereka cakap, 3 bulan je, bukan lama pun, lagipun kalau aku tak pergi waktu tu, aku kena pergi kemudian nanti. Kena pergi jugak. Wajib...aku pun setuju tak setuju, pergi jugak la...3 bulan aku kat PLKN, penat giler...tidur selalu tak cukup...Seperti biasa, aku memamg senang nak cari kawan baru. Aku polpular waktu PLKN sebab suara aku. Cikgu-cikgu kat sana selalu usik aku. Mereka selalu ajuk apa yang aku cakap...aku kat sana dikira aktif jugak la sebab aku ada jawatan sebagai ketua wirawati Islam...selama ni suara aku kena gelak oleh sekumpulan manusia yang kecil je, kawan aku, cikgu aku...sehinggalah pada suatu petang yang tenang, semua pelajar Islam, lelaki ngan perempuan dikehendaki berbaris sebelum menunaikan solat Maghrib. Aku, dengan baju kurung aku pun ikut berbaris kat belakang. Ustaz kami, seorang bekas tentera datang untuk membuat pemeriksaan petang tu. Muka dia, garang!...takutnya!...kami semua berbaris dalam keadaan senang diri. Semua tersusun rapi. Nak pergi solat pun kena berkawad lagi!...Ustaz tu pun buat sedikit ucapan. Dia pun tanya siapa yang selalu bagi command kat kami sebelum pergi solat. Kawan aku jawab la yang lelaki ada seorang yang bagi command, perempuan pun ada. Ustaz tu pun tanya, perempuan tu siapa? Kawan aku pun angkat tangan la, ustaz pun tanya dia samada dia ketua wirawati Islam ke? Dia pun geleng...Ustaz tu tanya lagi, siapa ketua wirawati Islam? Aku pun angkat tangan. Dengan tiba-tibanya, entah angin datang dari mana, Ustaz tu dengan selambanya cakap awak, datang depan, bagi command! bial aku dengar permintaan dia, terbeliak mata aku. Ya Allah...bagaimana aku nak menghadapi dugaan ini? Aku tergaru-garu kepala, tapi aku tak boleh nak kata tak nak. Tak berani la, dengan ustaz garang tu...kawan-kawan yang kenal sangat ngan aku hanya mampu tersenyum je kat aku sebab mereka tau apa yang akan bakal terjadi...


Aku pun keluar dari baris aku dan berjalan ke hadapan. Ustaz tu pun ke belakang. Aku pun menghadap dua barisan yang sangat kemas, wirawati dengan wira yang tengah dalam keadaan sedia. Aku dikehendaki bagi command untuk keluar baris tapi sebelum tu aku kena la bagi command senang diri dahulu. Aku pun tarik nafas dan lontarkan suara aku dengan sepenuh hati...BARIS!!! BARIS SENANG DIRI!!!.....dengan tak semena-mena, kedua-dua barisan yang cantik dan kemas di depan aku tiba-tiba berterabur. Semua kawan-kawan aku berguling-guling gelak bila dengar suara aku. Mereka yang dalam keadan sedia tadi dah keluar baris sebelum aku bagu command yang seterusnya sebab sibuk gelak. Aku pun cakap dalam hati, aku dah agak dah...aku pun mampu tersenyum je, lihat mereka gelak. Aku toleh ke belakang, cari Ustaz, takut dia marahkan aku sebab tak bagi command dengan serius. Rupa-rupanya, ustaz pun gelak sekali. Kebetulan tempat kami berbaris berhampiran dengan cafe. Cikgu-cikgu, kawan-kawan non-muslim termasuk pekerja-pekerja kat sana pun gelak selepas dengar command daripada aku...hurmmm...itu la first time aku kena gelak oleh sekumpulan manusia yang besar. Sejak hari tu, aku pun jadi popular sewaktu PLKN...